My son wasn't the first one to bombard me with the dreaded Why phase most kids go though.
As a childless young woman Why was a fabled stage of toddlerhood. Movies, TV sitcoms and mothers I knew shared stories of the exasperating Why question that gets set on repeat until they're satisfied with your explanation. Which is never. Or so I was lead to believe.
As an enthusiastic nanny to some very bright boys years ago, Why was a super fun game. Back then I had the patience to give as many answers in as much depth as I could muster before using God and the Big Bang as a final answer. (Gotta give them a rounded perspective!) That worked for nature/science questions anyway like where the spring time buds come from or the truth about what happens to the bugs caught in our outdoor 'pet' spider's web.
The real learning for me came from questions on behaviour; Why couldn't they stand on the chair, Why did they have to hold my hand across the street, Why should they share their snack?
Most of us know that unless it's said in a strong enough authoritative manner "Because I said so" doesn't usually cut it. Not to mention I think it's demeaning of their right to know the truth and cuts off their curiosity. I like to use levels of truth should be used based on age appropriateness.
It took the children asking me Why to challenge my thoughts on some of the rules and regulations of childhood. As a rebel child myself, I tried to honour their burgeoning sense of independence. Sure you can cross the street without holding hands if you pay attention and make it snappy.
I started to preemptively ask myself Why and found that a lot of the time I didn't have a very good answer, not one I thought fair to tell them anyway. It was then I learned a skill that I was able to transfer into parenthood, on most good days that is.
I decided that if my internal answer was something along the lines of, Because I find it annoying, Because I don't want you to or because you *could* get hurt in-a-really-obscure-not-very-likely-way, I'd drop it and let them carry on.
When the answer sounded more like Because it's disrespectful, Because it's dangerous to yourself/others/the valued object, Because it's not good friendship I'd stick to my guns and provide as many explanations of my explanations as I could possibly come up with before I start repeating myself, or until we start laughing at the repetition.
This is especially helpful for me now when I find myself getting frustrated with a behaviour. Why keeps me in check and inspires deeper questions for me. Is it really that bad? Is it my problem or theirs? Can I cut some slack this time or should I really drill this rule? Is this something that I can't stop kids from doing (like jumping in the house)? Is it worth the stress of enforcement if it's not a big deal?
Coming up with my reasons and rationale before I ask them do start or stop something, makes me confident in my answer, a confidence that helps the kids trust that I sometimes know what I'm talking about. Don't dread Why, embrace it, you might learn something while teaching.
...hopefully I'll remember this in 10 years when my toddlers are teens...
