My Work is Play

I loved the way the boys I  was a nanny to could not define me.

When asked if I was their teacher, they’d look as though I’d asked them if grass was purple. One of them was in a Montessori school part time by then, he had a ‘Teacher’. Although the term is loose in that environment, that was not Leah.

When we asked them if I was their friend, still they’d say no. They were each other’s friends, their age, their size, they’re similar likes and hobbies. That was not Leah by their understanding of the word.

What is Leah then?  “Leah”, they‘d respond, and they were right. I was just myself, talking to them like I was a peer but also helping them get their snack and taking them out to do fun things. They were my friends and I cared for them the way I cared for any of my other friends. With love, trust, respect and generosity.

Leah was lost somewhere when Mommy arrived. A slight identity crisis that happens to a lot of mom’s whether it’s their first child or not. Leah dove right into the love and adoration that sometimes comes with motherhood  but she took everything too seriously, read too many books on parenting, all the maintenance of day to day living overcame my love for play and reading and stroller free walks.

In trying to get Leah back, I thought I had to become more selfish, find ’me’ time, find time away from the kids or do things I want to do and the kids can come along. That was backwards or at least unbalanced.

Before I went back to work when O was 11 months, I was jealous that someone else got to spend the precious early years with him, like I got to with the boys, and now I feel like I’m taking this time on mat leave for granted. It recently became clear to me that what I want to do is play with kids and learn with them while exposing them to new ideas and new places.  Spending this quality time with them IS ‘me’ time.

I was still able to keep a clean and organised workplace and meet up with friends at the park on occasion, but the kids were obviously my #1 job. Engaging them in building or stick hunting or bussing to the library was my job and I couldn’t dream of doing anything else.

Owen’s now learned that Mommy’s name is Leah, and I honestly love it when he calls me that sometimes. It brings me back to me and I look at him as one of my little friends and it sparks a light in my eye shifting my perspective and reminding me to play. Show him what a good friend Leah can be.

I took a small course once with the Manitoba Child Care Association called The Virtues Project, where they associate all behaviour with a virtue and by positively reminding the child/person to possess that virtue you can bring out their best.. When I saw Detachment as virtue I was confused at the time but now I understand. By detaching yourself from a situation emotionally you can look at things more objectively and the answers are clear.

I’m going to try, going forward to detach myself from Mommy sometimes and just be me. I have a feeling the stress of the moment will fall away, teachable moments will arise and Leah can get back to Play.

I had Kids before I had Kids

I had kids before I had kids.

The years I spent as a nanny to three amazing little boys, I feel, gave me a leg up on motherhood. Learning from three different personalities from three separate families exposed me to countless scenarios of what babies eat, how they play and what disasters happen to a baby’s body when they teethe.
Landing a job as an in-office nanny at 20 years old I felt like I just scored the greatest gig of my lifetime. It was. Duties included blowing bubbles, prepping snack and soothing tears. While others went through computerized personality tests to work in stuffy offices, I was so excited to spend my days hanging with the babies at the park, indoors at playgroups, or riding the bus to the library. I could find educational experiences for the one year old's in the most mundane of tasks!

I also experienced the sweet satisfaction of rocking a child to sleep in your arms, it was one of my life’s greatest joys hands down. Likely because they are such precious angels of cuteness when they’re asleep but mostly I think it’s because it's a part of the job that makes you work the hardest. It tested levels of patience, perseverance and the ability to withstand noise that I didn’t know I had. The cuddle of cuteness was the best reward, and admittedly, I'd hold them for just a little longer once asleep in admiration, rather than place them in their playpen right away.

This experience was invaluable when my first born was not a sleeper. Nearly three years later I still struggle to get him to sleep most of the time and it's definitely not my greatest joy in life. It is a little easier knowing at least one other kid I knew who also wasn't big on sleeping and needed lots of assistance falling asleep. Normalcy is such a comfort and shared experience makes tough times less scary.

As time went on I continued to count my blessings, the babies I first met blossomed into awesome little kids and their families became extended parts of my own.

I knew that things would be different when I would be on the mommy side of the equation. I witnessed the boys often melting down for their mum’s at 5 o’ clock. I watched in disbelief as they occasionally lost all manners, patience and gross motor ability as soon as their mum’s came though the sliding door. I tried to reassure the moms that the boys were stellar for me all day and that they’re just acting out because they ‘love you so much’ and it’s a sign of unconditional love (or so I read in the What To Expect Books during nap time). I had all the answers back then.

I knew things would be different as a mom but I didn’t know in how many ways until I had my first baby. I now honour the times when it’s the same.

The times I can channel that inner playmate/guide and forget about the tasks of being at home. It’s a magic time I can spend with my kids because it reminds me of the time I spent with 'my' first three in the days of youthful enthusiasm for natural teaching.