Play is Play

Last fall, to my heartbreak, my son picked up on role-playing superheroes, guns and bad guys, with zero at-home exposure. Almost everything he'd construct in play would be a 'shooter' and was more often than not looking for a bad guy or acting like one himself. It was devastated  It was only a year ago where everything he touched was either a hockey stick or a puck, I thought his innocence was gone.

 After months of talking to family and friends about how to curb Owen's gun/bad guy play with no practical answers, I was at a loss for what to do. Even after years of being a nanny to three boys, I never really knew the recommended strategy for specifically deterring gun-play. 

So, I did all I really knew how to do. I was consistent with my zero tolerance policy, laid down uncompromising rules but it was not working, and only added fuel to this aggressive play and my approach to the issue only caused further conflict between us. All I could picture in my mind was my happy, adorable, hug-able boy who I imagined would turn quickly into being one of those unruly kids who bullies his mom into buying him a real toy gun and shooting' at strangers in Walmart.

So I went to the person I trusted fully with all things, but especially with child care questions. My cousin, a respected ECE III, who is on her way to a Child Development Degree. Surely she would know how to eliminate this behaviour! She would know what the official stance was on such play! To my surprise she said I should do nothing. "Play is play" she told me, "Play should not be interrupted or stifled and imagination is always okay."

Then I was sad. I didn't think I was overreacting, it has got to be inappropriate for kids to point guns at things and make those terrible noises! BUT, with trust and respect in my loving family, I went along with her advice and took it a step further. I played too. I got on his level to see his view and followed his lead in play. If he pointed a block at me and made a shooting noise I pretended it was a hose and that he was a firefighter helping to put me out! If he said I was a bad guy, I'd make a knarley face and growl- and we'd burst into belly laughs. If he'd say his cars had guns I'd ask what they were for and he'd say for making big noises, so I'd make weird noises too. It was innocent after all. His play interests have moved on and lego is now used for steam boats or or building letters and my happy lovey boy is at one of his highest points in creativity.

The conflict between became less, our fun has been more and I don't feel like I've compromised my values. He was 3 1/2 then and in the next few years I'll continue to teach him how guns are really used for hunting and eventually inform him about how people get really hurt by guns, as well as the difference between pretend and reality.

We live in a Canadian city, we don't own guns or know anyone that does, so a little pretend time won't actually hurt anyone. If those details were different so would be my response.

Being in college for my ECE diploma myself I'm so happy to have this experience first hand. I hope it serves me well in centres going forward as well as helping other parents who encounter such awkward phases such as these.